A completely different situation but my DH went away for work for 3 months and it was horrible. He left ADF to be around when we started a family so when he had to go away it was really difficult on all of us. I have 2 older kids too and it was still hard! lol.
I definitely know I could never do it for an extended period of time. Not that I rely on my husband or anything, but the extra parenting person helps more than I ever thought possible.
I wouldn't do it. We decided to stay where we are currently although my H had a better job offer elsewhere just so our son could continue with his current therapists. Then the plan is to move together and try to find the best school options for our son then. I think breaking your family up like that would negate the positives of keeping your son in therapy.
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. things to think about is I'm assuming your DH enjoys what he is studying and wants to use his diploma and its in a field he loves. that would help him being away, would that satisfaction make up for being back with your guys but not working in a job he enjoys itms..
DH and I have been doing a long distance relationship for a fair part of our relationship. I've been trying to work out actually how long but it has been about 50%/50%, I have had to work away, we have though never been more than 3 hours away from eachother (the furthest was when we first started dating and we were in different cities because I was doing my midwifery), since then the furthest has only been 2 hours, so it was possible for me to come home on my days off (simply put 'weekends' even though most of the time it was during the week).
It is hard. communication is the big thing...you have to remember to keep talking to eachother, probably more than you would if you were there everyday. we talk on the phone atleast twice a day, and txt msg eachother all the time (normally only limited by the fact he is driving all day)
we don't have little kids though (yet), so that would change things too, and is a side I have no experience in.
I personally think maintaining your DS's program is really important...and should be a priority. but thats something you guys need to decide.
I hope I helped...Its a bit early and Spock is taking all my brain cells, but if there is any specific questions or anything let me know =) I'd love to help you out.
I've done it. Its hard. Really hard, but personally, for me having a break from ex was worth it.
I would not move DS while you have whats working for you. Its not worth it to start all over again, especially when DS doesn't just work with anyone. Especially when you never know how long its going to take to restart it all again.
I would also see if DH can do something else til you're ready to move. & have all your referrals & appointments ready when you go.
If that is your DH moving then that is what happens until Master A is old enough.
I'll probably be in this situation next year, with my OH being away out of the country 2 weeks out of 4 for the next 5 years. While we have no kids it won't be that bad, once we do, then it could be interesting. I may contemplating moving closer to family & the nature of my OH's job is that we can live anywhere in the world.
I just had a quick look on Seek and Careerone out of curiosity (clearly I'm super busy at work ) and there are IT positions available up that way. It's hard to say if they are suitable, not knowing what area of IT you DH is getting into, but there is stuff out there. The idea of work from home is a great one. Even if a position is based in another city and your DH would have to go in every now and again for meetings, etc, it would be worth looking at if it means he's home most of the time.
Just curious, what is it about Adelaide that you're not keen on? I'll admit I'm somewhat bias , but moved here from Sydney and don't regret it for a second. Much prefer the lifestyle here plus it is much cheaper than Sydney (or Melbourne).
Talk to the people who are doing his therapy. You never know there might be a way for the funding to go with you, stranger things have happened
It is a hard one to call. If you have support where you are it might be worth staying until the baby is born. The other thing is he has to get a job forst and foremost. This could take time.
Is there anyway he could do another course related to IT until you are all ready to move?
Thats the other thing. think about what you NEED and want when your little one is born. Things you might not think you do, but being where more people are to help and support you would be the best thing (as feelings etc.. re: Sophie may come up) (sorry to assume, but I imagine it is/going to be hard...) ...please tell me if i'm out of line...
I could never live apart though, we miss each other enough just during the day and life is so short... but I understand how impotant early intervention is, I'm not sure what we would do if faced with the possibility of moving away from DD1's health professionals... can you talk to them and find out what can happen if you move? Otherwise I think in our case DP would work some other job or continue study till we could all move in 2014.
My BIL worked in the mines for a while - 2 weeks on, 1 week off type thing. When he came home, his DD had forgotten him (she was probably about 12 months at the time) and by the time she would be getting comfortable with him again, he would have to leave. His DS (2.5yo) also started using a toy as a comforter that he never did before. He ended up quitting & getting a different job where he could be home more with his family.
I'll try and address everyone but bare with me, I'm operating before a coffee here.
DH loves the work, completely and utterly loves it. Short of doing uni, I don't think there's higher for him to go and DH is hesitant to do uni (he has attempted two different degrees and not made it past first year). DH is working his butt off to do well (currently in the top 2% of his class) so I would hate for him to not get to use it. He will finish this course around Speck's due date.
DS' funding is recognizable Australia wide but wait lists vary and what is available to him here may not be available in XYZ.
I have a lot of family close by (within a 15 minute drive) that would be willing to help out and even my BIL and SIL across the road.
Terirae definitely not out of line at all. I worry about that too and I think there's a lot to consider there.
The kids love dad and I would hate for them to miss out on time with him (and him with them). I think I might discuss other options with DH when he gets home tonight and weigh the pros and cons together.
I understand about the lack of jobs thing - my DH would love to move up north as he is a scuba instructor but there's just nothing for me up there, I work in IT. It's all happening in Melbourne... so I get that.
Really tough. I don't have a child with special needs or in therapy so I can't really comment on that, but I have to agree with some of the other comments about would breaking up your family negate the benefits of staying in therapy?
I think you should talk to your therapist/counsellor/case worker/whatever the right person is Melbourne/Sydney are not small places, you might be surprised that you can get yourself sorted. Don't know.
As for the bonds your DS has made, well that's a bit harder... short term pain for long term gain?? Not sure, and sorry if that is insensitive - like I said, I'm not in that situation. He will be making new bonds in 2014 anyway, if you all move.
Don't forget - as important as your son is, your relationship with your husband is also important. If you thought maybe a break would be beneficial for you, then great. But if your relationship is all good then it'll be really hard on both of you, as adults and husband and wife. I understand making sacrifices for your kids, but you need to weigh up the costs. I couldn't do it, I need my husband too much.
No. My DH has always done Fifo type work, since we first met. We struggle when we are apart. I tend to grow resentful, and on his return i feel like an intruder is messing up my house/routines etc.
I accept that work is important, but your DH hasn't even started looking. He may find something turns up unexpectedly and it might be perfect. He may also be more likely to get offered a job as he has a family and stability, which might be lacking in other applicants. It's great he loves his work. Hopefully that comes through to prospective employers. I do get that it's tough. My sister lives in FNQ and she is an IT consultant. She mostly works in Melbourne, but has no kids, so it's not such an issue.
Registered User
) and there are IT positions available up that way. It's hard to say if they are suitable, not knowing what area of IT you DH is getting into, but there is stuff out there. The idea of work from home is a great one. Even if a position is based in another city and your DH would have to go in every now and again for meetings, etc, it would be worth looking at if it means he's home most of the time.
, but moved here from Sydney and don't regret it for a second. Much prefer the lifestyle here plus it is much cheaper than Sydney (or Melbourne).
Melbourne/Sydney are not small places, you might be surprised that you can get yourself sorted. Don't know.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks